The penultimate episode of “American Horror Story: Apocalypse” has Kathy Bates going full “Terminator,” the return of the Coconut Head wigs and Sarah Paulson bundled up in a blanket on a porch, monologuing about her mother.
“Fire and Reign” begins with quite possibly my least favorite characters in all of “AHS” Jeff (Evan Peters) and Mutt (Billy Eichner) the robot engineers, who within the first minute want to make their heterosexuality very clear by saying “Bro” over and over again. Venable (Sarah Paulson) interrupts them to find out more about The Cooperative, but she’s shooed away. Thank God for Sarah Paulson, because without her, this whole sequence would’ve been totally unpalatable.
Billy Eicher and Evan Peters adorn the worst wigs I’ve ever seen for their new “Apocalypse” characters Mutt and Jeff.
Photo courtesy of over-blog.com
We’re back at Miss Robichaux’s Academy as Mallory (Billie Lourd) unsuccessfully tries to revive a dead dove. Cordelia (Sarah Paulson’s Supreme Witch) and Myrtle (Frances Conroy) try to relax her by assuring her they put a protection spell on the house.
Zoe (Taissa Farmiga) and Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe) lead the other witches in defense spells while the new Voodoo Queen Dinah (Adina Porter) performs a spell at the front door, causing it to open as Michael Langdon (Cody Fern) and robotic Miss Mead (Kathy Bates) enter the New Orleans school.
The witches try to kill Langdon with shards of glass and nails they were enchanting, but he “X-Men” reverses it, causing the witches to get fatally stabbed. Queenie and Zoe manage to dodge them, but Mead rips off her arm to reveal a machine gun and shoots them both. Queenie’s voodoo doll power couldn’t even save her. Mallory wants to go and help her sisters, but Cordelia and Myrtle convince her to escape with them.
While we knew Jeff and Mutt created Mead, I didn’t realize how much direct control they have over her. It turns out they’re the ones “masterminding” the end of the world, since they’re having Mead suggest it to Langdon. I also think it’s really great that Langdon watched “The Omen” movie series for inspiration.
It turns out The Cooperative is just the Illuminati after some rebranding, which I think is pretty dumb. Langdon has Mead schedule a meeting with them about nuclear war, primarily to kill the remaining witches.
Cordelia (Sarah Paulson) has a vision while mourning the witches killed by Langdon.
Photo courtesy of inverse.com
Since Misty (Lily Rabe) is “off gallivanting with Stevie [Nicks]” the remaining witches (Cordelia, Mallory, Myrtle, Coco and Madison) hide at her swamp shack. Cordelia’s freaking out because she couldn’t feel the dead witches’ spirits. Madison (Emma Robert) tells them about Langdon’s ability to burn people’s souls that she learned about on her trip to Murder House.
Myrtle spells out what I’ve been saying for weeks. Their plan is for Mallory to go back in time to save the world. Cordelia and Myrtle decide to put Mallory on a dry-run and enchant her bathtub, sending her back in time.
It turns into International Horror Story when we flashback to 1918 Siberia with Anastasia actually being a witch. I haven’t seen “Anastasia,” and don’t really know much about it, but I’m fairly certain the animated movie didn’t have this much bloodshed.
After having a heart to heart with Myrtle at the swamp, Cordelia decides to go to Not-Hogwarts (Hawthorne School for Warlocks), only to find everyone, including Behold (Billy Porter) dead, their bodies chopped up and In easily the most twisted moment of the night, Langdon had chopped up their bodies and arranged into a big pentagram. It was easily the most twisted moment of the episode, but how much cooler would it have been to see Langdon actually doing the carnage instead of just the aftermath? This is “AHS” I want some sick, twisted horror, not just the aftermath!
Venable tries to quit Mutt and Jeff’s cocaine-fueled company but decides to stay when they offer her free reign on the Outpost facilities they’re building.
Langdon (Cody Fern) meets with The Cooperative/Illuminati.
Photo courtesy of tvline.com
Langdon meets with the masked Cooperative/Illuminati which apparently includes Bill Clinton, Putin George W. Bush, and North Korea’s General Kim. Langdon gives them the quick version of his plan for the end of the world. They’re going to charge $100 million for a spot at the Outposts and
Just as Langdon starts telling them how to build their shelters, the episode ends, which caused me to ask my TV if it was joking. We’ve got only one episode left and we’re still stuck in a pre-apocalyptic flashback. With this episode, it’s basically been confirmed that Mallory is going to time travel to stop Langdon from ending the world, but I have a bad feeling it’s going to be rushed and anticlimactic. It’s super unlikely, but they could pull the ultimate twist and make this a two-part season.
Also, why would they go through all the trouble of bringing Misty (Lily Rabe) back from Hell if they’re not even going to use her? If she doesn’t play a big role in the finale and her return was nothing but cheap fan service, I won’t be happy.
In spite of that, the preview for next week’s finale of “American Horror Story: Apocalypse” looks pretty great, even though all of it seems to take place before the end of the world. Most importantly, Jessica Lange is coming back!
Make sure you pray for a two-hour season finale and check in next week for the final recap of “American Horror Story: Apocalypse!”